How to Practice Self-Care in Marriage & Family Life (and Why You Need To!)

Sure, we all know that we need to take time for self-care and to balance our lives between family & marriage obligations. But let’s be honest. When your life is hectic, and you struggle to find time to do the things you have to do, self-care is the first thing thrown out the window. Well, read on because here’s the deal – balancing your life with self-care isn’t just a luxury. It’s vital for your marriage, and without it, you might find that you and your spouse are in a bit of trouble.

There are only so many hours in your already-busy day, and when you have some spare time, you probably want to spend it catching up on something you neglected or with your family or spouse. Let me say that it’s a good thing if your spending time together in your marriage. In order to have a thriving marriage, you both need to spend quality time together. However, if you’re constantly neglecting that “me-time” you need so much (and you do! We all do.), the connection with your spouse will inevitable suffer.

Here’s the deal. When you feel torn between your own need to recharge with some personal time and your desire to be with your spouse and family, everyone loses. After all, if you do take that alone-time and feel guilty during the entire gift you gave yourself, you’ll just be stressed. It’ll be pointless. You can’t spend that important time of solitude worrying about what’s going on at home.

Also, you don’t want to always put off self-care to be with your spouse and family because you’ll just get resentful and stressed. Eventually, you’ll start to see your spouse as an obstacle to what you desperately need and aren’t getting. Your spouse will feel your resentment (it always comes out in some way) and you’ll both feel disconnected. That’s the beginning of death in your marriage. Avoid that.

To really take stock in your self-care, you need to make it a priority. Both of you do. Essentially, you both need to talk about the dangers of neglecting it and find solutions to incorporate it into your lives, just like you do with all other necessary responsibilities. Do you really have time to take your daughter to soccer practice? Not really. But you do it anyway because it’s important so you make it happen…every week. Take the same attitude with your self-care. Make your marriage a self-care marriage.

What’s this mean?

A self-care marriage accepts the philosophy that self-care is a necessity rather than a luxury. Taking time for self is beneficial for a stronger connection. Solitude provides renewed energy, and through that, you both get more quality in your availability towards each other and your family. By scheduling self-care as you would any other event that’s necessary, your marriage just becomes better. And isn’t that a priority? Why neglect the one thing that makes everything else better and easier in your lives and in your relationship?

Once you start talking about what frequency and level of self-care each of you requires to be at your best for one another, schedule it. On your calendar. Just like you schedule everything else.

If you both give yourselves the permission to participate in the things that nourish your individual selves, the guilt won’t be an issue anymore, and you’ll both truly be free to invest in something that is essential for the health of your marriage. If you both view self-care this way, there’s nothing to feel guilty about.

Make sure that you both allow for your individual interpretations of me-time. While you may prefer yoga, your spouse may prefer some time with friends playing cards, for instance. Whatever nurtures you, go with it, and allow your spouse for that same right. Just discuss these activities to assure that the self-care activities you both decide upon align with your mutual values and marriage commitment. For instance, if one partner has had a problem with drinking in the past, a night out at the bar with pals is probably not the best idea for self-care.

Step by step, here’s how you can create a perfect balance of self-care in your marriage:

1. Talk about your individual needs. It is possible that your spouse’s preferences of self-care may differ from your own.

2. Encourage each other to take me-time. Encouraging your spouse to pursue his or her individual interests also means that you will have more time for yourself. Let your spouse watch that baseball game with friends while you take a much needed run. On the weekends, you can plan a shared self-care activity that you both enjoy.

3. Get up earlier. The more hours in a day, the more you have for me-time. Don’t sacrifice your sleep, but if you can get away with waking up one hour earlier each day, you can steal away a few moments for yourself or get ahead on those other to-dos to make personal time a bit easier to schedule later in the day.

4. Make a schedule. Following a set schedule makes it much easier to manage your day and stick to the agreements you made. Set your priorities and mark everything on a calendar so that you can do equal justice to your marriage, your family, and yourself.

Also, think about self-care activities that you can do together. Attend a cooking class together or give each other massages. Whatever brings you together in a fun way and recharges your relationship is great. Don’t use these in lieu of individual time though. Me-time is completely separate and essential. You can’t sacrifice your personal well-being for the sake of your relationship – it’ll just backfire.

Find a mix of shared self-care and me-time that works well for you both. With open communication and a mutual respect for self-care activities, you’ll make your marriage amazing.

For more help on recharging your marriage and becoming a thriving and passionate couple, view these free videos. If you need more guidance, work with me. I’m here to help!