Talking About Feelings Won’t Fix Your Marriage – STOP!

Stop talking about your feelings to fix your marriage! It won’t work!

Okay, well, that’s not entirely true. You’ll need to do it eventually, but not now. Here’s why… When you lead with your feelings and how your partner is hurting you, things escalate, and fights begin.

Know how to do it correctly and calmly? I believe it. You probably learned these skills from your therapist or a great self-help book. Active listening, right? Sure, then you know how to fight better, and your partner is probably very informed about your troubles, but you’re both still frustrated with minimal solutions. Why?

Because your problems in your marriage and how you feel about them are just symptoms of a greater problem. All those bad things happening in your relationship are symptoms of a loss of connection and love. Think about it. When you started dating, did you have the same problems you have now? Probably not. If you did, you tackled them together. I know this because love was primary then. No matter how misguided your solutions might have looked back then, your love was strong and you chose to take on your problems hand in hand.

Now…maybe not so much. If you feel like you are constantly fighting over the same thing over and over again, your love is suffering. If you aren’t being heard, your love is suffering. If you feel resentful, angry, hurt, or ambivalent, your love is suffering.

You may have tried to make your feelings clear to your spouse, but you probably have had minimal positive results. You may even feel like you have been chasing your partner around just trying to improve your relationship. Sound familiar?

Making feelings known does not solve relationship problems. Despite traditional psycho-therapeutic beliefs, processing feelings is not the answer, at least not the entire answer and certainly not the first tactic to use.

Bringing a feeling to the surface only brings about clarity, not solutions.

In addition, if the love is suffering in your marriage, why would you lead with statements like, “Here is what’s wrong. Here is how you’re messing up. Here is how bad I feel about it.” Of course you and your partner will get nowhere! You aren’t connected anymore so the love that once bonded you to get through difficult situations isn’t at work anymore. You’ll just bump heads, get defensive, or play the cat and mouse game.

Solution?

1. First, work on your behaviors and what you can change.
2. Then work on rebuilding some love.
3. THEN you can start to communicate your feelings…when you and your partner are a team again.

If you need help starting this process or are totally lost on how to do this, view these videos. I show you how to accomplish all of this step by step. If you need more help, contact me about the Soulmate Template Relationship Coaching Program.

And please comment below…I would love to know your thoughts!

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