The ONE Reason Sex Becomes a Problem in Marriage

As a long term relationship develops, a couple experiences lots of changes. In all relationships, the honeymoon phase fades after 2 years or less. This means that sexual attraction changes and that sexual “charge” you once got from your partner is exchanged for something less physically stimulating. Now you have to work at it. Read more about these changes here. – and find out what to do about those changes to assure your marriage doesn’t suffer.

So now that you know about the changes, let me tell you that there is ONE reason sex is such a big problem in most long-term relationships. Sure, the eventual disappearance of the honeymoon stage, difference in libidos, life changes, parenthood, and other life stressors and issues have a big impact. But that’s not the primary reason sex is suddenly a problem when one spouse wants to be physically intimate more often than the other.

Nope. The biggest reason that sex becomes a problem in marriage is the idea that sexual intimacy is a personal thing. You read it right. It’s not personal. It’s not all up to you. It’s not what you agreed to when you agreed to spend the rest of your life with your partner and make a life together. Just like childhood-rearing, household decisions, money manageament, and all other things, the agreement of sexual intimacy is a shared decision and should be treated as such.

What’s this all mean? It means that sex is a compromise on both sides. You won’t always be even in your desires, and life changes will continue to move your desires all over the scale. So knowing this, you need to compromise and be open about what you need and want in your sexual relationship. With that said, pushing your partner to have more sex is a problem and doesn’t speak to a shared sense of physical intimacy. Sex is a shared decision, not an obligation or right you have to impose on your partner. Pulling away because you’re not in the mood or you don’t feel like having sex anymore is also a problem. It’s not just your decision, and just because you are not in the mood does not mean that you should make the decisions about your sex-life with your partner all by yourself. After all, you’re both affected, aren’t you?

You need to come to an agreement about sex in your marriage TOGETHER and keep the lines of communication open as desires change.

With all this said, the person with the lower sexual desire tends to make the decisions about sex. So here are some final words of encouragement for you, lower desiring partner, for something to keep in mind about this “shared responsibility” you now realize you have (and I hope this encourages you to see sex in a more positive way – because you shouldn’t “just do it” out of obligation – sex isn’t to be looked on as a chore, and you’re not a sex-slave, after all!).

So here it is … Sex provides much more than just physical stimulation. It brings two people together emotionally. It serves as a tool to feel closer to one another. Without it, couples feel emotionally distant. So even if you’re not in the mood, think of sex with your partner as a way to nurture your emotional bond. I assume you want to feel that emotional closeness – we all do if we want our marriages to be good. So knowing this about sex, choose to work on your sex life just as you work on all other aspects of keeping your marriage a good one and know that sex is so much more than just a roll in the hay.

And always remember, marriage partners – my last words to you both…Sex isn’t just up to you – it’s up to both of you.

Learn how to create phenomenal love here – I include a free sex course with the program to help you get on track and create phenomenal love – both emotional and physical.