3 Reasons Your Marriage is Suffering (and How to Fix It)

If you find that you are no longer happy in your marriage, there are some predictable reasons why it is suffering. Knowing these issues is a step in the right direction for helping you get your relationship back on track. Only then can you address your problems.

So let’s begin…do any of these strike a cord? Are you and your spouse guilty of one or more of these? If so, you will definitely want to start repairing these…baby steps though. Remember, little by little, it gets better as you do the work together.

1. Your partner does not come first.

Whether it is a work, a hobby, a drug, a friend, or a past relationship that you haven’t let go of, your marriage will suffer if anything takes precedence in your life over your partner. You must make your partner a priority over everything if you want a successful marriage – and visa versa of course (one sided efforts won’t work in the long term). This is also true in parenting. One of the most common reasons partners grow apart is because they place their children in the priority seat. Even though we need to make sacrifices for our children, and we are happy to do so, we cannot place our relationship with our children before our relationship with our spouse. If you find that you are doing this, you are not in the minority. However, you will need to re-prioritize your life to place your partner first.

2. You make no personal time to spend together with your partner.

Sure you might spend lots of time with your partner, but what are you doing together? What are you talking about? Are you enjoying each others’ company? Or are you discussing bills and child rearing issues? Set some time aside to do something fun with your partner. You must connect as a couple without all the grind of daily life on your mind in order to start re-connecting. Make time every week to do something fun together, and avoid talking house business during that time together because that’s not the connection that creates phenomenal love.

3. You are resentful about your sex life.

Most commonly, when a couple grows apart, physical intimacy suffers. Very common! It is tempting to harp on the unsatisfactory sex life and try to fix that first. Many times, men are more guilty with this than women, but not always. In any case, resist the urge to fix your sex life first. You’ll just create a sexual tug-of-war in your relationship. In most cases, sex suffers because the emotional intimacy is suffering so obviously you need to treat the root of the problem rather than the symptom (sex). Address your emotional connection first (items 1 and 2 above), and set sex aside for now (don’t worry, it wont’ be too long). Take the pressure off your partner, and focus on emotionally connecting. Usually, if you find yourself emotionally connected again, the physical intimacy takes care of itself…although you will need to make it a priority then (but that’s another article altogether!).